
Toxic Positivity
Positivity can indeed be toxic. We are bombarded with toxic positive messages on a daily basis. Just look through your instagram or Facebook pages, and you will see well-meaning messages, such as “Choose Joy”, or “It always seems impossible until it’s done”. A quick google search revealed some of the following positive messages:
- Keep your face to the sunshine and you cannot see a shadow.
- Attitude is a little thing that makes a big difference.
- The only time you fail is when you fall, and stay down.
In theory, these messages are meant to be uplifting and encouraging. Many of the messages focus on ‘resilience’.
So what happens if you are depressed, and you see shadows rather than sunlight? The message of positivity make you feel even more inadequate for feeling the way you do.
What if you fell and you stayed ‘down’ – a message telling you you need to ‘get up’ is invalidating and makes you feel even more of a failure.
So we’d like to propose changing some of these messages. How about messages like
- You don’t have to ‘try your best’. Good enough is – enough. Donald Winnicott first introduced the concept of “Good Enough Parenting” but “good enough” is a useful in other areas too.
- Suffering and pain are natural parts of life.
- Sit with discomfort and pain for a while, rather than try to ‘overcome’ it. Accept your anxiety.
One of our favourite quotes is one attributed to Winston Churchill – “If you’re going through hell, just keep going”. Sometimes that is all we can do – just keep pedalling along. We don’t need a bright smile on our face when we are doing this, or to sing the joys of life – just keep pedalling along until you get through it.

